Just ranting on a #Tuesday #MondayBlogs

 RANT of the day. 

First, I felt the child model didn't need their image attached to that hateful sentiment anymore, so I blanked it.

Background- 

I saw the image on the left going around, which depicted a POC Child and this fear-mongering statement.

Curious, as I cannot help myself at like 2am- I dove into the comments section and watched the devolution of the commenters. Things like children don't need to learn about s3x or gender, that parents should have the final say in if they even learn any of it. 

One remark stood out to me-

Rick Holm

At the end of the day, it’s wrong to talk to kids about anything sexual until they have the maturity in mind and body to understand it. You are tipping the scales and producing more of the problem you are trying to solve. The original problem was suicide…how is adding thousands of trans people helping?

Image- 1

I could not hold my tongue and decided I had something to say, I copied it after as I felt maybe it needed to be said somewhere more tangible as well, but before I run you down that, I thought I would make a few personal statements, that to me lend weight to my thoughts.

Now, I am NOT a parent. By life choice. While not loud about it, I am also a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Labels and identifiers were not a part of my growing-up experience, and even now, at 42 years old, I am still learning about who I am vs. who I thought I was.

By today's definitions, I am-

Cisgendered.

My pronouns are she/her.

I am Pans3xual meaning that I love and have relationships with whomever I am attracted to. Full stop. I am attracted to people, not parts.

I am also polyamorous. 

Meaning that I have a predilection toward ethical and consensual romantic and/or intimate relationships with more than one partner at a given time. Which is perfectly okay-for me and mine.

I am loving and feral. I am protective of those that I care for, and I believe that we all have the right to ask questions and explore the people and world around us in an effort to become who we are meant to be, which is forever evolving and changing. I have learned that is OKAY. That is the point.

Who I would have thought I was if I had not opened a book or an internet tab and learned about people, love, s3x, and relationships on my own and just listened to the cacophony of the heteronormative.

A confused and greedy slut that wanted to just run around and do anything with a pulse. That my not stayin in relationships once I lost interest meant I had no moral character to speak well of. That I didn't deserve to be in loving and safe relationships. That I should be quiet and just have babies and add to the status quo. That who I am didn't matter it was what all about what I could contribute. About what legacy I was going to leave behind.

Harsh AF, right? But not inaccurate to some circles. 

What I didn't understand was that the heteronormative narrative was simply put- Not MINE. That the reason that I flitted at a younger age was becasue I didn't know that I could be open and honest with my partners about my needs and my wants because no one explained to me that I could be and could love in the ways that I felt I was capable of becasue society said it was wrong. Society said one person at a time. One great love. 

Now I know better. Why? Because people talk about it now. It is on the fringes, but there are safe places where it's normal to be your authentic selves. I can't help but wonder, though, what if I had known this from the beginning? What wonderful relationships I might have had where it wasn't just one way or another?

I can't answer that question for myself, but maybe if we could all look past our noses and see that understanding is the road to acceptance, then some other person just starting their life won't have to fight so damn hard to not hate themselves well into their 40s.

Below is an easier-to-read transcript of my thoughts on the conversation; the images show the gaslighter. I was going to hide their face, but then I thought- Why? They wouldn't hide mine, in fact they would probably make sure it was plastered wherever they could if they had a leg to stand on. It is this lack of understanding that makes me scream for EDUCATION!!

The Bold Type is to indicate who wrote what- Italics are my current interjections to you, dear readers.

Rick Holm

At the end of the day, it’s wrong to talk to kids about anything sexual until they have the maturity in mind and body to understand it. You are tipping the scales and producing more of the problem you are trying to solve. The original problem was suicide…how is adding thousands of trans people helping?

I came out of the gate with so much to say-

S.i. Hayes

Rick Holm maturity in mind and body to understand it? I know people in their 50s that don't have this. The issue with all of this is that people want to hide that people exist. Hide that things like s3x, gender identity, and the ways that people express these things, including their orientation, are more than the sum of the "parts". Leaving any form of education that allows people to understand and relate to each other is by far more dangerous. There are so many scholarly papers that show that abstinence-only education in schools leads to higher pregnancy and STI rates among youth. Why? Because when anyone doesn't have access to information, they go looking for it, and or engage in practices that they do not understand. This is why we have people in the legislature who think a woman can just "shut down" their body or hold in certain things in parts of their body when a male teacher won't let them use the restroom. People who think that the female anatomy only has two openings below the waist. There is a right to religious belief, but human reproduction and the psychology of the mind and body connection that leads to s3xual expression and gender identity are SCIENCE. People worry about children being influenced by seeing something as cool and wanting to emulate it? Then be more worried about the little boys in this country yelling, "Your body, my choice" at little girls becasue no one has taught them that we all have the right to bodily autonomy and that NO ONE has the right to touch you if you don't want them to. The fastest way to make something "uncool" to anyone is to NORMALIZE it. The more we understand things, the better equipped as a society we are to discuss it, which is the issue at its core. Parents don't want their children to learn these things in school, but in the same breath won't answer these questions if asked point blank by their children, or they give them some hyperbole about birds and bees becasue they don't understand the answer either- why? Becasue they didn't learn it. So we have generation on top of generation of people so unaware that shame and ostracize others into silence.  Many claim that the LGBTQ spectrum is "not natural," but it happens completely naturally amongst other animals on this planet. That includes animals that can biologically change their reproductive anatomy when there is a need. Again, there is science to back all of this up. Age-appropriate education should be mandatory. There are girls as young as 7-8 years old going through puberty and do not understand what is happening to their bodies becasue teachers and doctors are not allowed to tell them because parents are so afraid that if a child understands these things, it means they are giving them permission to do them. Learning about something removes the mystery and allows for better choices and critical thinking, something most adults are sorely lacking these days. Children learn by example. This is true, and the example that should be set is that diversity in life is normal, that s3x and gender expression are normal. Teach them that just becasue they are a male that likes "feminine" things doesn't mean they are less male, or vice versa. Stop making them so afraid of finding out who they are. Better yet, perhaps society should stop being so afraid of who they are trying to become and shaming them into being who they think they should become that they hide and are traumatized just for living. A Cis gendered Heteronormative, when asked when did you know you were "straight" or (insert gender) are quick to answer "always," full stop. No further questions. No need to clarify. But when someone who is LGBTQ gives the same answer, they are somehow wrong, mentally ill, or brainwashed. What if it were the opposite? What if being LGBTQ was the "main social construct" and being Hetro was the other? What then? What if s3x was simply presented as a biological need that a person fulfilled with another person whom they wished with CONSENT full stop. S3x is in the DSM as a healthy part of human development that surpasses reproductive needs. It helps establish intimacy and closeness in relationships beyond reproduction. This is a scientific fact. Remove the politics, remove religion, remove the social indoctrination, and teach the SCIENCE. Then maybe society could be less worried about what's in other people's pants and more focused on just being good to ourselves and each other. That's my fifty cents, but what do I know? I'm just one person who believes the old adage that knowledge is power and that we only fear that which we do not understand.

My response was well-written and concise, and I held my thoughts about the commentator's state of mind. But their response didn't disappoint.

Rick Holm- 

S.i. Hayes are you honestly comparing a 7 year old with a 50 year old? Are you mentally deficient? No one is hiding anything kid, the more important question is why do you feel like you need to be talking to 7 year olds about sex and gender and presenting a mental disorder as a life choice?

Kid? I swear my eyes rolled so hard I saw my brain. But I kept my cool, like the Aquarius that I am, I stayed on point, stayed logical and mostly unemotional. IYKYK.

S.i. Hayes

Rick Holm firstly, I am not a kid, and you are right, omittance and refusal to give access to information that could help and save someone else is more like willful neglect. Anyhow, I stated that I know people in their 50s that don't have the understanding you proclaim people should be waiting for to teach basic SCIENCE to. The fact that you actually believe that gender identity and s3xual orientation is a choice and or a mental disorder clearly shows you as someone who didn't understand the assignment. I clearly explained myself and why it is important to educate children in an age appropriate way. That includes 7 and 8 year olds. Frankly good touch and bad touch and the right to say NO should be taught as soon as possible. If a question is being asked, it deserves an educated answer, instead of leaving them to sort it for themselves and wind up in more dangerous situations because they don't understand or get their info from peers that know even less. People, children and adults deserve to know that they are NOT BROKEN simply because they love and express themselves differently from others. Difference is what pushes us forward, acceptance is what a person needs to feel safe. Like I asked before what if the roles were reversed and heteronormative was the exception and not the rule? Walk a mile is someone else's stilettos before you belittle or condemn them.

Rick Holm

S.i. Hayes why are kids not allowed to buy cigarettes or alcohol? Why do they not drive? Why do they not vote? Why is it illegal to have sex with kids? If you have the courage to respond to any of these questions you will have your answer kid.

Again, I came with FACTS and LOGIC, even after he baited me with "kid" a second time, but a little lookie-loo at the profile, and I realized how that would go over the red baseball cap. Also, strangely, nearly every female in their images looked like their cradles had been robbed. But I could be projecting.

S.i. Hayes

Rick Holm So you believe that teaching children bodily autonomy and that they have the right to SAY NO is likened to these other things? Just want clarification on that? 1st- Tobacco products cause in the USA alone 480k deaths annually. Most of us remember buying them for our parents well into the 80s, but there have been laws on tobacco sale age minimums since 1883 when NJ set theirs to 16, but it was mostly left up to the states until the Synar Amendment by Congress in 1992 bumped that age to 18 across the board. Which was again amended in 2019 by the  "Tobacco 21" legislature. So LAWS. As for children not being allowed to drive? That is specifically that they are not allowed to drive on "public roads." It's not, in fact, illegal for a child to drive on private property. ATVs Tractors, the reasoning behind this is lack of motor skills and reaction times. The increasing lack of attention span which is caused by all the screen time they get rather than, oh IDK, reading a book.- They don't have the knowledge. SO LACK OF EDUCATION- Why don't they vote? They have actually proposed lowering the voting age here but get a ton of pushback for fear that a younger generation may actually understand the fundamentals of it better than the adults that exorcise the right currently. Psychologists and neuroscientists <- There's that pesky SCIENCE again, have found that the cognitive abilities of a 16-year-old are far more advanced now than they were in years past. Due, in fact, to the free access of information available today. Many other countries around the world have already begun to allow this, but the USA is again, as usual, behind the times becasue of a lack of wait for it...... EDUCATION!!!! And for your last question. At which point was it ever suggested that anyone was actively having s3x with a child? That you want to question that or that YOUR mind took this direction has me wondering if you might indeed need the number of a clinician? Is this why appropriately educating children about what s3x is and to say "No" worries you? It's always to the kid diddling with your lot. I'm more afraid of a hetro cis-gendered male than I would ever be of a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. It is this line of mental gymnastics and back peddling that explains why, when all things are equal, women choose "The Bear."

After this, he accused me of a mental stretch and pushing the Trans Agenda to groom children. A comment that was quickly deleted before I thought to screenshot it. I did have an answer, though I ignored the accusation.

S.i. Hayes

Rick Holm I logically and clearly answered all of your asinine questions. You, however, have deflected each of mine. But that is fine. I didn't actually expect you to. I mean you have already proven my point for me. Though I will commend you for at least asking them, as a 56-ish year old its never to late to learn.

This sad excuse for a human had the audacity to double down HARD-

Rick Holm

S.i. Hayes Thankfully I live in Texas, busted a lot of teachers spending way too much time on their own projects🥴…fired school boards and removed it all. Hell my school district hired the guy that was fired after it was found out they hid 2 rapes by a transgender student at his last job…yea the guy that made the news. The entire board has been replaced.

A 30 second Google search revealed his blatant landfill flex.

S.i. Hayes

Rick Holm, I see you removed your own redderick between my responses. Accusing me of mental stretches. That you think that what you did by denying education is a flex is the saddest part about all of this. What you are going on about a supposed trans student assaulting people doesn't pass the search test. What I did come across was miles of Trans kids being assaulted and bullied by the system and a lawsuit from the ACLU for a school violating a female assault victim's rights in 2010 and forcing her into a disciplinary program with her attacker after telling her to "work it out" when she reported it. But you all keep thinking you are protecting your children by not believing them and telling them to "work it out".

I was done at this point and decided that just posting my modified image wasn't going to settle my soul. So here we are, it's taken me all day to get this far, but if you have read all of this please consider supporting a local LGBTQIA+ non-profit. I have the one where I pulled the Support and Inclusion flag used in my image listed below, but do me a favor in the name of Petty Bitch- Make it in the name of Rick Holm from Texas? So, at least then, something good can come out of these garbage truck deposits.

Thanks!

S.I. Hayes

Support LGBTQIA+ Rights Donate Human Rights Campaign

https://give.hrc.org/page/156809/donate/1

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Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag

The Intersex-Inclusive Progress Pride Flag adds the intersex community to the Progress Pride Flag. With this update coming in 2021, this serves as the most up-to-date LGBTQ+ flag. The flag was created by Valentino Vecchietti of Intersex Equality Rights UK.

Romancelandia... Why?

It's six-thirty in the morning, seven days into a new year, a new decade and already the world is imploding. Politics in the USA aside, you have to be living under a rock if you have not seen the turmoil and division that is Romancelandia. 

If you have been under a rock, maybe that's where you should stay. See having a point of view right now is downright dangerous. If you don't happen to be a minority and speak out on how you feel over the way the RWA (Romance Writer's of America) has handled themselves, you will most likely see your career called into question. Be accused of being a bigot, racist or privileged. 

A little about me, particularly things I don't really talk about. Why because it has no merit on my ability to spin a novel. I am a thirty-seven, (soon to be thirty-eight) white, Bi-sexual woman, living with Bipolar and severe Anxiety. Oh, I'm also 5-4 and over 300lbs. I come from a blended family, not only by way of marriage (Two brothers from my mom, and a brother and sister from my dad) but also by way of racial background. My mother's sons are half Purto Rician on their dad's side, and my mother's siblings are half African American. I did not grow up with money, my parents busted ass to try to make life comfortable, but there were those not so comfortable times. Roach infested apartment complexes, not having a car for several years at a time. Always living hand to mouth while I was little.

Even now I live under what most call the poverty level. I collect my SSI because my mental and other co-morbid issues make it impossible for me to hold a regular job. I live on less than 800.00 a month. Yeah, you read that right. Do the math, the average of what I make comes out to about 4.50 an hour if I worked 40 hours a week. I couldn't tell you how I make it work but I do.

What's my point in telling you all this? My point is that I have a bit of experience in sideways glances, gossip and being made to feel like I don't matter. That what I've tried to accomplish doesn't matter.

So that brings me to the RWA shitstorm. Now I saw the complaint that was initially sent to the RWA about Courtney Milan. It explained in detail that Ms. Milan had publically and rather viciously called out an author for supposed "Racist content." Citing that, with screenshots, the evidence of this wrongdoing was in the descriptions of an Asian-mixed character, by a white female writer. The description mentions the shape of the character's eyes (Slanted and almond, if memory serves) and refers to her as "an exotic and mysterious beauty." The character was also referred to as "demure" and the fact that she had "Blue Eyes." Well, people lost their everloving minds. Saying it was an antiquated and racially inappropriate depiction of the character. 

Okay, so the character in question has been explained as mixed Asian and white, so eye color could be anything. Yes, there are "typical traits" but natural mutations occur. How many people of African descent have blue, green or hazel eyes? So why not an Asian mixed character?

Let me ask, for those in the cheap seats, how would you describe a person of (insert racial background different from yours) descent to someone who may have not met or perhaps could not even see them? Would you leave out something as important as how their faces or features are shaped? Including their lips, hairline, and gasp! Their eyes? I wouldn't. It would be bad storytelling. If one does not explain what characters look like then we all go to our defaults, but for a writer the who, what, when, where, why and how should and does apply to our characters. Is it racist to describe an African, Islamic, Greek, LatinX, etc, descended character by the nuances of their melanin level? Probably a little bit, but it is a deciding factor when differentiating one character from another. I mean if we all just wrote he was dark and handsome or he was a black man, it would get very boring very fast for readers. But to say skin was sun-kissed or eyes were the color of molten chocolate paints a vivid picture. We as writers are and or should always be painting with our words.

We should also be careful with them. In that I mean this whole debacle was because the airing of these "issues" was done in a public forum, Twitter. The initial complaint is that Ms. Milan bashed this author for her words and cited the work as racist. Publically calling it "garbage" The complaint claimed that these allegations caused harm to the author's business and reputation. That this was an act of bullying and that Ms. Milan needed to be held accountable for her actions.

The RWA's response was to remove Ms. Milan from her seat on the ethics committee and suspend her. Again people lost their minds. Saying she was being censored, that she was right and that the RWA was very, very wrong. Now, it has come to light that not was all it seemed. Separate groups were established to make the decision, the reasons for this is speculation. The RWA has lost its footing because it chose to handle things in the public forum. Leaving them open to even more scrutiny. Is the RWA made up of mostly white, hetero women? Yeah, probably, but that is because those are the people joining the RWA. It is true that their membership fees are "ahem" lofty, but until this incident, they were the supposed elite in Romancelandia. They were the cream of the crop. Those who joined were part of a gated community. If people want more inclusion then they need to include themselves. If POC and men (who are 50%  of the population and shit on the most by Romance Writers BTW want to bee seen they need to step up. Write the stories, publish them, market them. Join the community.

It wasn't long ago women had to write as men just to be seen. Hell, try to write anything other than romance as a woman and be taken seriously. Before the RWA romance was a niche, a dirty word, something to be kept under the mattress. It was this organization that helped to level the playing field and take romance to the mainstream. This is a community that is so divided within itself that we snub subgenres, like erotica. We are often left afraid of each other. Afraid of having an opposing view of a situation. Afraid of coming out on the wrong side of history.

If an author can be called out and bashed for antiquated writing from the 90s then I guess it's time we for lack of a better term "whitewash" and sterilize all of the classics. From Mark Twain to Shakespeare. Pull to Kill a Mocking bird, Tom Sawyer, Hamlet. Gone with the Wind. Mien Kamph. They all depict a time and a world view that is now considered wrong. Let's build a fire and just set it all ablaze, shall we? 

Does that seem a little extream to you? Maybe we should just ban anything written before the year 2020 since this seems to be the year of enlightenment. I don't stand with the RWA, but I also don't stand with Ms. Milan. I think this whole thing should have been handled differently. I believe that as writers we have a voice, individual and chaotic. There will always be opposing views, there will always be those that are underrepresented because they aren't raising their hands to be counted. When people spend all of their time hatemongering and calling out, the wrong and none of their time setting the record straight the view gets skewed. Women now dominate the Romance industry because we produced quality work, en masse. We flooded the market and like everything else, we fought tooth and nail to be seen. All women, not just rich white- hetero ones. We need to stop seeing race, gender, and orientation. We should be held accountable for the messages we share, but we should also not be bullied or bashed for showing a part of the world that is still very much here. Or attacked for assumed sins of the past. As writers, the goal should be to tell the tales, share the stories, teach the lessons, it doesn't always come easy, or as politically correct as everyone wants, we are but human, and therefore we have the limitations set by the rest of the populace. 

Maybe instead of kneejerk anger and hostility, we should try to open a dialogue. Find the root of something, the why. The deeper meaning. Instead of calling out the problems what are we not offering up solutions? Why are we not trying to counter the hate and ignorance with love and education?

I don't have the answers to these questions. For me, I will continue to write as I always have. From my heart, I drop a little piece of my soul into everything I write. I write all walks of life. About all genders, orientations, and ethnic backgrounds. If I do no thave experience with a cultural background, I do my research if it is flawed in any way it is because the information on that subject was flawed. Perhaps more people need to add to the research pool so that it is as deep and rich as the people and cultures of this world. We need to stop pointing fingers and try to remember when we point one, three are facing back at us. It is up to us as writers to change the face of the industry, to stand and be counted for our own work, and not how loudly we can call out our colleagues. It makes us look petty and divided. We need to rise above it. We need to be united. Support each other, educate others while remembering that our experiences have an effect on how we each see the world.

How our readers see our world is directly and proportionately affected by how we paint and repaint it. Stay true to yourselves, don't be afraid to show the world who and what you are. Fill the pages with great stories and talk about the hard topics, talk about the world a sit is, as it was and as it could be.

Above all, be a representative, not just of your niche in the world but of humankind.

RT #MondayBlogs #AuthorsRunTheirMouths #ElizaAmes @elizaamesauthor@Shannonihayes

S.I. Hayes Presents

Authors Running Their Mouths is the creative brain child of Author S.I. Hayes Join her as she asks other Authors to let loose and Run their mouths!

Welcome Author Eliza Ames

Eliza is the author of Fantasy and YA Fantasy

Let's see what she's got to say!

What got you writing?

"What got me writing was my nature. I have always been a story-teller. I was the kid at camp that told such scary stories the other kids had nightmares. I was the teen in school who through off the English curve. I'm the adult today that tells the ""how you met your spouse"" story that everyone talks about. I've done probably more career-level jobs than anyone I know, but writing has always been the part of me that worked the best. I have often thought that if I could just write every interaction, my life would be so much better. When I write, no one misunderstands my meaning. When I talk, though, sometimes I grate on people's nerves without even realizing I have done it.

Writing is more than just knowing how to craft a sentence, especially in my genre. As a fantasy author, I get to build worlds. I have to understand the science of my worlds -- what would make magic a part of evolution, why animals that exist only in my world even would have developed, and why people look the way they do. I also have to frame continents and oceans and how the double moons affect those oceans. Then, when I add the people, they have to seem real too. Although I can and do base them off of historical references, my technology level of my worlds can be altered by things Earth simply doesn't have. In my Thobel world, for example, there are magical healers who can place a hand on a person and scan them physically. This means that, although the world is technologically equal to late middle ages on Earth, the anatomy knowledge of the people will naturally be superior.

Being a people observer also serves my writing a great deal. I can (and often do) notice things about people that surprises them. That happens because I'm always thinking about motivations. I want my characters to seem real. They certainly do to me. I have a lot of characters between three series (not all released yet) and I never confuse them. They each have quirks, catch phrases, and gestures unique to them. I can't confuse them because they are alive to me. They are friends I visit in my dreams, and they are friends I get to share with my readers.

Although the request asked me to pick one topic to answer and I picked ""What got you writing?"", I suppose I actually picked two, because my relationship with my characters is so much like a friendship that it keeps me writing. Even if I couldn't publish, I'd still write about these friends. The more time I give each one, the more alive they feel and so I do write about them constantly. I have books, of course, but also short stories, too.  I plot a lot. I always have a direction in mind, but occasionally my characters do things that surprise me. When I started out to write the ""Sogell Revolution Tetralogy"", I never picked one love interest for my main character. I gave her three to choose from. She chose the one that fit her best and I finished the series the way she wanted. In the ""Faith Champion Chronicles"" I haven't picked a love interest for Faith. She'll tell me when she's ready.

See, they are real to me."

Bio:

Eliza Ames is a fantasy author and independent editor who lives in San Bernardino, CA with her husband, two sons, and a plethora of pets. She enjoys her California home, but has never forgotten her Wyoming roots and often includes homage to pieces of the Equality State in her writing. She fell in love with books when she was a preschooler and has loyally maintained the relationship ever since. Most of her time is spent doing mom-stuff. But in her spare time, if she isn't writing, she's reading or listening to audio books. She believes imagination is everything

Socil Links:

Twitter Website

Book Links: 

Amazon

Thank you for joining me today!!

Cheers!

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